What Heavy Metal Song Is Actually Your Theme Song?

By: Emily Maggrett

6 Min Quiz

Image: Jena Ardell/Moment/Getty Images

About This Quiz

Whether you're in a bad mood, are having a great day or want to pump yourself up, there's nothing like blasting heavy metal to change your mood. If you're feeling sad, AC/DC can chase away your blues, although if you want to wallow, Danzig is definitely here for you! Whitesnake are experts at finding the joy in pain, while Judas Priest are exactly right for when you're feeling angry and defiant.

In this quiz, we want to help you discover your perfect heavy metal theme song. Are you a Guns N' Roses girl, or is Metallica more your jam? Does the angry rebelliousness of Twisted Sister light your fire, or would you rather rock out with Ozzy Osbourne?

To find your ideal heavy metal bop, we need to know some more information about you. What are your hopes and dreams? Do you have any pet peeves? What makes you fall in love? Through telling us more about who you are, what you want and what your ears crave, we'll be able to figure out the right song for this stage in your life. Along the way, you might just discover some amazing bands. Are you ready? For those about to rock this quiz, we salute you!

Have you ever been in love with the wrong girl or guy?

Sadly, yes.

Sure. The more "wrong" they are, the more I like 'em!
There's no such thing as the "wrong" person; only bad timing.

Ugh, I don't want to talk about it.

What kind of manager drives you absolutely nuts?

I feel stressed out by emotionally manipulative managers.

I don't like managers who nag you about "being late" and "doing your work."
Hands-off managers depress me. How am I supposed to know whether I'm doing well or not?

I hate micro-managers. They can't tame me!

You're at a wedding. Which of these songs is guaranteed to get you out on the dance floor?

"Crazy in Love" by Beyoncé

“Turn Down for What” by DJ Snake and Lil Jon
"I Gotta Feeling" by The Black Eyed Peas

"Don't Stop Me Now" by Queen

When you were a teen, what's the most rebellious thing you did?

I snuck out to go on a date.

I partied with the bad kids and got detention every week.
I didn't rebel much but I fantasized about it.

I organized protests against unfair school policies.

Let's say you're at work right now (not an unlikely hypothesis!) Are you enjoying yourself or would you rather be somewhere else?

I wouldn't mind work if I had someone wonderful waiting for me at home.

Work sucks! I wish I were dancing on a boat.
I'd love to be hiking with my dog instead.

I wish I had a different job, one I could be truly passionate about.

You just got dumped by someone you really liked. How are you going to heal your heart?

I'd hide out in a mountain cabin and howl.

I'd find someone else. Problem solved!
I'd call my friends for support and wait for time to work its magic.

I'd throw myself into my work or a cause I really cared about.

You're invited to a crazy party in the city. Your friends say it's going to be a wild scene in a warehouse, complete with hard-partying rockers, classic car racing and snakes. Do you go?

Maybe. It depends on if the person I like is going to be there.

Absolutely!!!!
No, that sorts terrifying.

Yeah, sure, whatever.

What's the best song to blast when you're really angry?

"Same Old Situation" by Mötley Crüe

"Hair of the Dog" by Nazareth
"Another Brick in the Wall" by Pink Floyd

"Killing In the Name" by Rage Against The Machine

An old wizard offers you your choice of three powers: the power to control lightning, the power to enchant others with your guitar-playing or the power to zoom through the air like a bat. Which power do you pick?

I want the power to enchant through the guitar.

I'll take "zooming through the air like a bat," please!
Obviously I want to be able to control lightning.

What about the power to be less anxious?

If someone had a big crush on you, what would they have to do to make you fall in love with them?

Uh, basically just ask me out, if I'm being honest.

They'd have to do something insanely cool, like drag-race their car.
They'd need to be chill and kindhearted.

They'd need to show me that they had a passion in life.

How would you dress if you were going to a metal concert?

All in black, with a studded leather jacket

Bandanna around my hair, tank top, flannel tied around my waist, ancient jeans
Sunglasses, jean vest without a shirt, black jeans, cowboy boots

Leather pants, no shirt, boots. What else do you need?

Which of these "misbehaving musician" behaviors sounds the most fun to you?

Riding a motorcycle in the rain

Trashing a hotel room
Forcing concert staff to provide you with lavish backstage buffets (no brown M&Ms)

Driving a Rolls Royce into a swimming pool

Be honest: when you were a teen, how often did your parents ground you?

Four or five times, when I really misbehaved

Once at month at least
One time ... total

They tried to ground me at least once a week, but they couldn't contain me!

How would you describe your most recent relationship?

It was great. Then she or he ripped my heart out of my chest.

It was a good time, man!
Uh, it was fine? Kind of blah?

I dumped them for not being as idealistic as me.

Which of these heavy metal lyrics do you relate to the most?

"I'm a rolling thunder, a pouring rain/I'm comin' on like a hurricane"

"Pink it's my new obsession/Yeah, pink it's not even a question"
"Exit light/Enter night/Take my hand/We're off to never-never land"

"Anger is a sure fire/And it burns through our lives/Are you more than every one/Are you more than every one"

If you could change one thing about American society, what would it be?

People need to stop treating each other like they're disposable.

I wish we had less rules!
Society is fine; it's me I want to change.

We have to get rid of capitalism.

What's the most annoying thing another person can do to you?

Lie to you

Ask you what time you'll be home
Ignore you or talk over you

Tell you you're not allowed to do something

It's time to pick out a pet that's appropriate for a heavy metal aficionado. What kind of cute but menacing companion will you choose?

A Rottweiler

A boa constrictor
A black cat

A scream-prone goat

Would you rather go camping with Slash, Eddie Van Halen, Tom Morello or Ace Frehley?

Ace Frehley seems easy to get along with.

Slash. Because ... he's Slash.
It would be fun to make s'mores with Eddie Van Halen.

Tom Morello is probably very good at camping.

Imagine you have your own metal band. Your first album is coming out soon. What's on the cover?

A photo of the band wearing several thousand pounds of leather as they pose in a foggy alley

A skeleton squeezing an enemy's heart while a crowd of hotties cheers
A little zombie kid sitting down to eat a TV dinner

A drawing of the band fighting various demons while a thunderstorm threatens to smite them all with bolts of lightning

If you could be any famous female rock guitarist for a day, who would you want to be?

Chrissie Hynde

Lita Ford
Ann Wilson

Joan Jett

In the "November Rain" video, was it cool or dumb when Axl Rose played the piano?

It was dumb but sort of sweet.

It was cool, darn it!
It wasn't very cool but whatever, it's a dramatic AF video.

It was the dumbest thing I've ever seen.

Do you think people are essentially good, essentially bad or a confusing mix of the two?

Unfortunately, I think most people are bad, or at least selfish.

Who cares? I just want to know if people are fun.
People are probably good, even if it's hard to see that sometimes.

Most people are morally neutral but society corrupts them!

Think about the heavy metal songs you like most. What are they about?

The ups and downs of love

The Devil
Partying

Destroying the status quo

If society collapsed tomorrow and our world grew to resemble "Mad Max", would you be happy or sad about it?

Sad. Just because my life is in ruins, that doesn't mean I want the world destroyed.

Happy! I'm always ready to start a scary post-apocalyptic gang.
I'd be concerned. I'm not sure I have what it takes to survive in a "Mad Max" scenario.

I'd be pleased. This is the first step toward remaking society in a newer, healthier form.

What's the main adjective that your friends would use to describe you?

"Romantic"

"Free"
"Quiet"

"Rebellious"

Let's say you're shooting your own heavy metal video. What "crazy" things would you force the director to include in it?

A segment where I'm writhing around on top of a car!

A shot where I'm playing guitar by the side of the cliff!
A scene where my band mates and I are crowdsurfing with real fans!

A shot where I'm running down a castle corridor with a sword

Which heavy metal hunk would you totally go on a date with?

Danzig

Marilyn Manson
Sebastian Bach

Henry Rollins

If you and your best friend's partner fell in love, what would you do?

Have an affair with them that ended in bitter regret

Um, go for it! Who cares who we hurt?
Yearn quietly after them, probably forever

Tell your best friend everything and hope for the best

A time machine has transported you to 1987 and you can go on tour with any heavy metal band would you'd like. Who's it going to be?

Def Leppard

Judas Priest
Metallica

Slayer

6 Minute Quiz 6 Min

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